The feeling that comes after a person experiences a breakup is subjective; however, most people describe it as the feeling you get when you’re faced with death in addition to confusion, denial, and the list goes on.
These emotional feelings are processed uniquely by different persons; some may drink and smoke it out for weeks, some may eat it out, and some may want to talk it out. The numerous methods people may intend to use and cope with it will determine what they do thereon.
However, orchestrators of the breakup, or those with lower oxytocin (the chemical responsible for bonding with others), will likely champion the distribution of the news—that they are no longer dating you. For the orchestrators, telling everyone about the breakup keeps their options open. For those with lower oxytocin or self-esteem, their reasons may be justified, and here is everything you need to know about it.
Why is my ex telling everyone we broke up?
- The need for emotional support
- To be in charge of the narrative
- Exploring other options
- Lower oxytocin and higher cortisol hormones
The need for emotional support
Emotional support is typically an interaction that reassures someone that they are loved and cared for. For people who invested their all hoping it would be a forever-together thing, it may just be too hard to cope with the new reality.
When your ex speaks with people about the breakup and how it affected or shocked them, it will help them overcome the grip of anger and sadness they felt. This will also give them the feeling that other people also care for them and that they are not alone.
To be in charge of the narrative
This is a common reason why your ex will tell anyone about your breakup. They want to control the narrative; making their actions justified or making you appear like the villain in the relationship.
When they do this, they are trying to overcome guilt or they are trying to manipulate the minds of your mutual friends against you, so no one will look at them as bad for deciding to cut ties with you.
Such people are typically callous, and you should be grateful you are done with such a slowpoke. If a person sincerely has feelings for you and loves you, they will be sensitive to your feelings even when there is no longer a relationship, which is why you will even find people not telling anyone that they broke up.
Exploring other options
Usually, dumpers will tell people about the breakup so they can announce their new status of availability. These persons may have had eyes for your mutual friends, and what other opportunity do they need to fulfill their diabolic desires?
Telling everyone about the breakup removes the “in a relationship” tag, allowing them to shoot their shots. You can imagine people who will instantly point at the relationship if they are asked out by your ex, so, telling such people about the end of the relationship creates an opportunity for things to work.
Low oxytocin and higher cortisol hormones
While the role of science may be heavily downplayed when it comes to matters of love, it is highly relevant. Oxytocin and dopamine are feel-good hormones that encourage reproductive and social activities. However, after each breakup, the oxytocin and dopamine levels dive, giving rise to stress hormones like cortisol as a result of the emotional and physical stress felt.
Your ex may not have enough sleep and may deal more with psychoactive substances like nicotine, alcohol, and drugs, which wouldn’t help their situation at all, making them even more stressed. In trying to relieve themselves of this stress, they may go on a rampage, telling everyone about the breakup and seeking validation, care, or reassurance of any sort that could take away the stress.
I once had a friend who fell into this category; he kept telling everyone, including new people he just met, about the breakup. I had no idea he was doing this, because I was among those who advised him against the relationship. When it took a nose dive, he wanted to put up the front that he was alright.
I eventually got to know when his girlfriend called one faithful afternoon and they had a spat. She was bitter about how he had gone crazy, telling both what was true and not their mutual friends. This was when I had to sit him down and draft a plan for a proper emotional recovery.
A breakup is a messy thing if either or both parties are deeply into the relationship. The resulting behavior can be quite unpredictable. You need lots of wisdom and emotional maturity to deal with all the emotions of being the dumper or the dumped.
How can you deal with the information that is circulating?
Dealing with an ex who doesn’t know how to cope with their emotions can be a handful; some people may get stalked, attacked, or even have their names trashed. In a situation where the ex is only stating that the relationship is non-existent, then I will implore you to stay calm and do nothing. However, if your image is being tarnished, then you can try the following to resolve things:
Avoid confrontations and prioritize your wellbeing
This is not the easiest action to take, but before you act most times, if you can give yourself a day or two to process things, you’ll be surprised at how differently you’ll see things. Time is a very effective aphrodisiac for properly articulating things.
What matters is your well-being. Do you love to hang out with friends, sing, drink, dance, flirt, or hang out with someone else? Then go ahead and do just what will make you happy. Your ex will eventually get tired and even more destabilized when it becomes obvious that you still find reasons to be happy.
Gather facts and seek legal advice
When a bad image about you is being spread, it can be a painful experience, and it is even more painful when your image is tarnished for what you didn’t say or do. Gather your facts and seek legal advice to restrain your ex from further damaging your image and possibly set things right.
Correct misinformation when necessary
While not giving an F is the best action to take, some things are not just proper to be left out there. When necessary, correct any extreme things said to mutual friends with some facts, and you’ll be fine.
Summing up
Don’t forget that the first thing you need to do in this situation is to calm down and process everything thoroughly. As time goes by, you’ll figure out the best way to address the situation. You could also reach out to friends for support and ensure that you engage in activities that make you happy. If you have any challenges, feel free to reach out to us through our contact page or the comment section.
