There is no easy way around it: Breakups will leave both parties or one person in severe pain. It could kickstart a long journey of low self-esteem from having to deal with the thoughts of rejection, and it could cripple the body, soul, and mind, especially if all was invested in it.
Even if you were the one that initiated the breakup, there is no getting away from having to deal with the guilt of what you put the other party into (except if they were abusive; you’d be overjoyed).
It is expected that we will end up with everyone we date; however, some people never seem to grasp the complexity of relationships. When such a person encounters the feeling of rejection, not telling anyone about the breakup becomes the norm, and here is why and how you can deal with the situation.
Why has my ex not told anyone we broke up?
The major problem people face with processing breakups effectively lies in how they process their grief. You are meant to grieve if you feel pained and do not even care about what anyone would have to say, even if they warned you. However, shamefaced egos hurt, and they are just among the numerous reasons your partner is not telling anyone about the breakup yet.
Processing the Breakup
Except in the case of abuse and neglect, most people who initiate a breakup are not necessarily fully invested in the relationship. They had better standards in mind and only waited for an opportunity to present themselves (which is very much okay).
The party that was more into the relationship would have looked for any possible means to resolve any misunderstanding, ensuring the relationship could continue. Supposing this is not happening for them, it can be hard to align themselves with the reality that they couldn’t do anything to preserve the relationship.
This will place your ex on a roller coaster of constant self-blame, regrets, pain, and possible hope that things could get back, which will make them not tell anyone that they have broken up with you. This act of blame and denial could continue until they meet someone else before they can start telling people they are no longer with you.
Privacy and Discretion
You should know your ex by now. Was he or she the type that likes to keep their pains to themselves, or are they the kind of individuals who love to keep things happening in their lives discreet? Then be rest assured that they wouldn’t tell anyone about it except if asked.
I am very discreet, and even when I had to break up with a few ladies, I didn’t bother to tell anyone because I felt it was not that important. I just moved on with my life, and that may be the case with your partner. They don’t just feel like it’s worth the ears of people they know.
In my peak, during my college years, I’d have so many peeps come around and be like, “Hey, you guys are no longer together?” And I would be like, “Oh, she told you? Well yes,” or whatever stuff comes to my head to say.
Hope for Reconciliation
The worst thing you could do when you want to let go of someone is to keep in contact after the breakup. While you may feel like this is a humane way and you don’t want to be entirely harsh, you may just be raising the hopes of the other party that things could eventually get back to how they used to be.
In a case like this, they wouldn’t spill the beans about the breakup, with hopes that you guys may find a way back to make things work. Understand that there is no beautiful way to break; “one last round” or “let me just be checking up on him or her” are common ways of prolonging the grief.
For the first three months of a breakup, no matter what anyone may tell you or advise you to do, try to keep a proper distance. No liking of social media posts, call-ins, texting, or anything. This will give the other party the space to process their new reality and eventually accept it.
Fear of Judgment or Criticism
Oh yeah! While your ex had those good times with you, some people secretly booed them and quizzed the reason for dating you of all the people they came across. This may have been out of sincere care after probably noticing you may not have been the right fit for your ex.
Now, when you decide to quit the relationship, it becomes hard to face these people who predicted you would leave in this manner. They would rather not speak of it or give excuses, citing that you are busy and you guys are still together, than tell about what has transpired.
Your ex doesn’t want those sword-stabbing judgmental words of “You know I told you, right?” The safest way to play now is not to tell anyone about the breakup while praying that you won’t mention it to their naysayers.
Respecting Your Feelings
They still love you and care so much about you that they choose to respect how you feel about the whole thing and would prefer you be the one to tell people about the breakup.
We have all come across those gentle souls who still loved and cared even when we were hurting them, and if your partner was one such person, then rest assured that this is the reason for keeping the breakup discreet.
How to go about it
While you may be tempted to communicate with your ex, asking them why they are not telling anyone about the breakup that has taken place, I can assure you that communicating about such a topic is the least palatable thing to do in this situation.
The best thing you could do is to avoid dwelling on it. Also, understand that this is your life, and you have the right to determine the information that should be put out. If you badly want everyone to know about the breakup, then feel free to tell them yourself.
Also, seek help if needed, and be kind to yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong; it is very much right for us to choose what we feel will satisfy us at any given point in our lives. Life is too short to endure what we don’t like.
While some people may seem like sweet souls, they don’t just fit into our lifestyle, and it is very much okay to choose our paths.
Why is my ex not telling anyone we broke up? Final Thoughts
If your ex is not telling anyone about the breakup, then they are likely still grieving and want to keep their pains private. They may have built so much hope around you, and coming to terms with the new reality is just too hard.
You can ignore your ex not communicating the current relationship status to people or you can do it yourself. In all you do, avoid contacting your ex, so as not to reignite their hopes or cause more pain.
Please feel free to tell us how you handled it at last in the comment section, so others could equally learn from your experience.
