If your girlfriend constantly sees the need to prove you wrong or always stands on opposing fronts with you—she is probably reflecting the negative trends in her family, testing your boundaries to see how weak you are, or she probably has a huge battle with an inferiority complex.
The good news is that you are not the only one who has faced this erroneous behavior. I and a lot of other guys have dated or come across such girls, and it can be frustrating. Some people may not care why the girl acts that way; they may just quit the whole thing outright.
This piece will help you know why she is acting that way and proffers solutions that could help you regain your peace of mind either with her in the picture or not.
Why does my girlfriend always try to prove me wrong?
Testing your weak boundaries
An average lady could be anywhere from 5 to 10 years more experienced than an average guy when it comes to relationships. They start to garner admirers from an early age, which makes them quickly learn the basis of relationships, including power balance and control through psychological and emotional mechanisms.
When most ladies meet you, they tend to test your boundaries and how much bullshit you could take—so they could explore the space. This is why it is always best to put a halt to what you don’t like as soon as you start seeing it, or it will continue or even become worse.
When guys are asked to be tough, we don’t imply you should start sleeping around or beating the hell out of your partner, but we assert that you should stand for what you know is right and never fail to respect others while making sure others respect you, or you prioritize your space.
Insecurity or Low Self-Esteem
Most people will never know they battle one complex or the other. It could be a superiority or inferiority complex—but one thing is sure: either of these complexes is guaranteed to make your girlfriend act irrationally, unknown to her.
According to Baumeister & Leary, “You can always spot the presence of an inferiority complex or insecurity of one’s looks or perception through their overly defensive nature or the urge to always prove themselves and their opinions over others.”
The need for your girlfriend to always prove you wrong stems from the inferiority or superiority complex that has eaten into her. You can help her in seeking help and point out these actions to her, but if she is not willing to make amends, then this is the right time to quit and get someone more understanding because life is too short to live under torment.
Communication Style
Sometimes, girlfriends who always seem to be on opposing sides—they are not necessarily trying to be mean to you—but they possess an argumentative personality, which propels an intellectual and emotional bond with you through opposing opinions and thought flow.
This can be super exhausting, but it is one of the easiest to correct. When you let her know how it makes you feel, she will begin to put in conscious efforts to check how often she opposes you.
This was the same category my then-girlfriend fell into; she could sacrifice anything and prioritize our joint goals—but she always had the exhausting attitude of always wanting to be on opposing angles each time we engaged in discussions.
Cognitive Dissonance
If your girlfriend holds two or more beliefs, attitudes, or values that contradict each other, she will argue unnecessarily to justify her position—stemming from cognitive dissonance, which may have been triggered by anxiety disorders, depression, schizophrenia, PTSD, bipolar, or narcissistic personality disorder.
To restore internal consistency, people with cognitive dissonance are likely to argue even when they have no backing facts (Festinger, 1957). This leaves you with the opportunity to analyze your partner’s overall behavior, which will help you understand better what may be the root cause of her constant need to have opposing opinions.
Perfectionism
If your girlfriend is a perfectionist, she likely holds high standards for both you and her—which propels her to correct any atom of mistake or inconsistency in your view towards subject matters—to restore a sense of orderliness.
Perfectionism drives individuals to challenge others’s intellectual stands—ensuring they are attuned with the right standard of things—leading to multi-arguments with your girlfriend. This may seem a bit hard to deal with at first, but when your views are backed with intellectual excerpts, there will be fewer arguments between you and her.
Overcompensation for Power Imbalances
When one partner feels undervalued in a relationship, they may engage in these kinds of arguments that “prove you wrong” just to regain their sense of equality or balance. If you have been relegating her thoughts or making her opinion feel less important, then you shouldn’t be surprised when she starts having opposing opinions about everything.
Desire for Intellectual Stimulation or Validation
The way a dog would begin to tear up stuff in the house if left alone or unstimulated for too long is the same way humans could crave depths of intellectual stimulation and validation or act irrationally.
Different things move different people; you might be a movie person, and your girlfriend may be the “walk in the park” type of person—if she does not get her walk, she may likely dish out those frustrations or understimulated attitudes.
Family Influence
The family is the basic unit of society, and everything playing out in today’s society stems from proper or ineffective methods of parenting. Your girlfriend’s opposing views in all arguments might be influenced by what she saw either of her parents doing while she grew up.
How can you help your girlfriend get over this phase?
Mind you, not all persons need your help from this stage, especially narcissistic individuals. Before you can think of sourcing for help, you should have held a discussion where she genuinely admits to not knowing when she does the opposing view thing. These steps can help:
- Patience and solution, not blame: What makes each relationship unique and enjoyable is the differences we spot in each other. With patience and a search for a solution, you’ll be surprised at the gains you will make in restoring better communication between your girlfriend and yourself.
- Seek Therapy: If you guys have tried what is in your arsenal but it isn’t improving, then you may need to seek the help of a professional or her parent, who she loves the most, as this has significantly helped a lot of persons rewire their brain and become better at having conversations.
Summing Up
Relationships are complex, which means you will always stumble into a hurdle no matter how much you decide to be careful. It can be a hell of a frustrating experience to have a significant other who enjoys conveying an opposing view to you—but this annoying character may not always be to spite you—it might be an unconscious behavior stemming from a psychological issue that can be corrected if detected.
References:
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
- Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
