Have you ever felt like cupping your crush’s face and planting a kiss? You aren’t alone. At some point in our lives, we’ve all felt that irresistible pull that grows so much stronger when they are talking and smiling—effortlessly being their charming selves.
My most recent experience came last week. I have a friend with whom I co-write codes and actively advocate for women’s inclusion in the tech industry. In our most recent seminar, while she stood before the girls—intimating them on the opportunities in tech—I couldn’t help but stare at her lower lip—it was pink—contrasting her overall dark complexion. Oh my!
You see? We all get that pull to kiss the words off the lips of our crush, but what could be the cause? Is it dysfunctional, biological, learned, or just a fun trait? Let’s find out.
Why Do I Want to Kiss My Crush So Bad?
The urge to kiss your crush so badly stems from their appearance (physical qualities we like in the opposite gender), if being with the crush romantically is unattainable, and peer-influenced or learned behavior influenced by TV series and books romanticized kissing.
The science behind the urge
Most people can’t explain or note exactly the period they fell in love with someone, and this is because it could happen instantly or occur in stages we have zero idea about. During your interaction with people every day, you can grow more fond or repulsed towards an individual, and this is because of chemicals secreted in your brain.
Our body produces dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are also known as happy or love hormones. These hormones can impact how you view a person or how much you desire a person.
For instance, dopamine affects moods and emotions, so when you get attracted to someone or attach pleasure to fantasizing about kissing their cute lips—planting that well-thought-out kiss—your brain will release a flood of dopamine each time you see the individual, motivating you to get that kiss as a reward to the brain.
If you eventually get that kiss, then you’ve satisfied the brain, and it will store the event to reinforce it in the future. However, if you don’t, your dopamine level will reduce, and this will dampen and possibly have a lingering effect on your mood.
Let’s not leave out oxytocin, which plays a vital role in the release of sperm, the production of breast milk, and even labor during childbirth. But is that the only thing it does? No! Oxytocin also ascribes trust and facilitates the processing of bonding cues—which could all influence the strong pull to lean in and kiss your crush.
Learnt Behaviour and Social Influences
This is a no-brainer. Personally, this is the option that describes why I develop an easy crush on dark girls with pink lips and why I feel like kissing them each time I see them. I have read numerous short romance stories and novels and seen so many TV series that have planted several images in my head.
For some of my friends, their desire to want to kiss their crush so badly stemmed from my influence (peer influence). My captivating tales of impulsive escapades, describing how I probably kissed a crush, trigger a similar urge to carry out the same actions.
Subconsciously, your culture, immediate place of birth and growth, shows and novels you consume, and friends you have will model your preferences—deciding who appeals to you or what lips are alluring and how badly you want to plant a kiss on those lips.
Is It Dysfunctional or Normal?
Like everything in life, a fine line can sometimes be drawn between okay and not okay. Sometimes, these lines could be as thin as a thread, and if you’re not being careful and intentional, you could easily cross over to either path.
At first, it is very much okay to develop a deep attraction for a person, either because they are out of your league, or they match your preferences, or you’re probably so horny at the time. However, when you can’t carry out your daily tasks effectively when you begin to stalk, or if the urges have become obsessive, then it has become dysfunctional.
Summary
The urge to kiss your crush so badly is a reflection of the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin released by the brain that endears you to your crush. Also, the physical features of your crush or your inability to get into a romantic relationship with your crush fuels the urge even more.
