Domestic abuse or Intimate partner violence against men comes in different forms, including; psychological, physical, sexual, financial, and emotional. If your wife hits you at every given point or with every chance she gets, then it means that you are the victim of physical abuse, psychological, and even emotional, so, no one should tell you any different and if you’ve been downplaying this before now, it’s high time you stopped and take proactive actions towards ending it now.
I mean some men have a hard time even admitting that they are victims of domestic abuse or partner violence, and the society we live in right now always prioritizes intimate partner violence against women over men, and this makes it even more difficult to even feel confident talking about their experience.
We have to at least commend you for your bravery, You are one of the strongest men I know, just for talking about this topic. You may think you’re alone in this, but I want you to know that you’re one out of the thousands of men who feel unsafe in their marriages and also ask the question, “What to do if my wife hits me”. You aren’t alone, and trust that you’re gonna find some answers here.
Why does your wife hit you
Even when we didn’t point this out, the first thing to do when your wife is always hitting you is to realize that you’re the victim in this story, and no matter what, you do not deserve to be treated this way, and regardless of the expectations that have been placed on men in our society today, you can admit to your emotions.
After admitting that you are a victim of domestic violence, the next question you should ask yourself is why? why does my wife feel the need to hit me at every chance she gets, then what to do if my wife hits me? here are some reasons some women may give for being both physically and emotionally abusive to their partners.
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Insufficiency
Your wife may hit you when she can because she feels like you’re lacking in some areas. To her, “you’re not being the man in the relationship” or “you’ve refused to take charge of the marriage”. these are the statements they may use to speak about how you may not be doing as much as you should. It could be that they are not attracted to you anymore, or you’ve not been fully active as a father and a husband in the family especially when it comes to your financial contribution.
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psychological issues
Is she depressed, does she have post-traumatic stress disorder? is there any form of substance abuse going on there, if there is, then you may outrightly say that your wife has a mental condition, and this is affecting her behavior towards you. Some may say that this isn’t enough reason, but I’ll say to get her some help if you still love her and see if there are changes.
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narcissistic behavior
Honestly, if you were living with a narcissist, you would know, because they would do whatever they can to impose their will on you, and you brew trouble when you do not do what they want when they want it. They feel like the superior in the relationship. It takes an empathetic person to feel what you feel and know when they hurt you, but a narcissist has none of these feelings or they just choose to ignore it, so is your wife a narcissist who feels like you’re below her, or she’s stronger than you?
NOTE; I’m not endorsing the idea that mental disorders have any link with abusive partners.
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stress/frustration
You must sit down and think about this, is your wife going through a very hard time now, was she like this before now, did something happen to trigger her this way, am I the cause of her frustration, am I the type of man you used to hit my wife before and now she just can’t take it anymore? These are some of the questions to ask, not just yourself, but your wife, because stress and frustration could be one of the reasons your marriage is falling apart.
What to do if my wife hits me
After thinking about the possible reasons why your wife has turned into someone you do not recognize, after this evaluation, there are a few steps you can take. Here are 5 things to do if your wife hits you.
Get some support
There’s this cliche that says “Man is not an island”. In a time like this, you need all the support you can get, friends, family, doctors, and even trained listeners or someone who you don’t even know and has less interest in the matter. The reason for this is that you are at a vulnerable point in your life, and you may also be feeling very ashamed but still need someone to share your fears and feelings with, this person will help validate your feelings. Some hotlines offer help for male victims of domestic abuse.
speak with your wife
This is the next thing to do if you’ve never tried it before. get a therapist or counselor if necessary, because the point of all this is to know your next line of action. Speak to your wife, let her know exactly how you feel and how you’re willing to make things get better especially if you have any hand in her recent behaviors. If you were not providing before, take more steps towards that, if you were hitting her before, make positive changes, start being sufficient wherever it is you were lacking, and make her understand that the last time she hit you should and would be the last time it would ever happen.
Make a decision
If you’ve spoken extensively with the wife in question, and the peace talks aren’t leading to any peace instead there happens to be more fights, you begin to look and weigh out all the options available to you. Do you want to leave, would that give you your peace of mind, do you have kids or whatnot?
Whatever decision you make has to be good for you, and your mental health, but you must set your boundaries if you choose to stay. This is where you make a report to the police, and take pictures every time it happens, and if the marriage ends, then so be it!
leave and not look back
This is the part where I can be very straightforward with you. If this was a female victim, everyone would say to leave, but why not the Men? Based on my own opinion, which I have mostly because I care about Men and their mental health I would suggest that you leave your domestic violent wife. Just like in every other case, we should stop making silly excuses for the terrible behaviors of our partners.
If your wife hits you more than once, and you’ve tried to see reasons with her. You’ve spoken like a man who loves his wife and has done all you can, and there’s no change, then the next best action is to leave such a partner because such people will just drain you both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
As a victim of domestic violence against men, what to do if your wife hits you is in this order:
- Take a picture or video of the assault as evidence
- call the police
- call your lawyers
- process your divorce
- leave and do not look back!
Get some support (emphasis on support)
This was the first item I mentioned and I’m emphasizing it because it is very much needed. Leaving or divorcing an abusive partner can become a very painful and traumatic experience for you as a man. Your first step towards moving on from an abusive marriage as a man is to reach out to people who love you for support, as you are a bit too fragile now, and these people will remind you of who you are and who you can be after this terrible event or phase in your life.
Summing Up- Dealing with an abusive wife
honestly, times like this could be pretty difficult so you need all the help you can get. Most times, you might find yourself wanting to come back to an abusive marriage, when this happens, you need to look within. Think about what you want for yourself, and how going back will do for your mental health. Get into therapy or move closer to those who love and respect you, this can go a very long way.
One more thing, I’ll say a big Well done for taking this huge step toward realization, and I hope you stay well and Healthy….Good luck!
