The most thrilling and endearing aspect of any relationship is the sense of exclusivity—the belief that you and your partner are wholly devoted to each other. Without fidelity or exclusivity, why pursue a committed relationship instead of casual connections or hookups?
While we hope to find true love who doesn’t stress and understands our every thought, in most cases, that isn’t what you see in your relationships. Relationships, like every other societal construct, involve a great deal of politics, and in politics, the weak are always at a loss, and the strong benefit the most.
In my early relationships, I had friends who preferred keeping female besties over male besties. So, based on confessions from my male friends and my experience keeping a girl best friend, I have put this article together to let you in on all you need to know.
What constitutes cheating in a relationship?
The sad truth we hardly tell ourselves is that being monogamous is hardly a common trait in any human; it takes background training and lots of discipline to stick to one person, especially when you’re a high-value man or woman.
Our polygamous nature can push us into various forms of cheating that we are barely aware of. These seemingly innocent actions we undertake each day may fall under either of the following cheating brackets:
Physical cheating
Physical cheating is a breach of trust conferred by your partner—that you will not engage in any form of intimacy outside the relationship you are both committed to. This form of cheating can be either romantic or sexual.
When you kiss someone romantically, engage in sexual activities, touch, or flirt to evoke intimacy, you’ve just cheated physically. A key sign of physical cheating includes:
- Unexplained absences
- Increased privacy
- Behavioural shifts
- Lying or contradiction.
Emotional cheating
When you or your partner form an emotional connection with someone outside the relationship, the boundaries of intimacy, which are usually reserved for the other parties in the relationship, may have just been crossed. While it doesn’t require physical acts, it is just as damaging, if not more.
When emotional cheating begins to occur, it could break the bond of your current relationship, as the cheat will begin to share things originally shared with their partner and start hiding things from them. Key signs to watch out for include:
- Decline in romantic tension
- The cheating partner will hide the emotional relationship from you.
- Excessive communication with this person will occur, mostly in secret.
Why do guys have or prefer girl besties?
It is way more comforting to have a female bestie than a male, as you could feel safer sharing your secrets, discussing your plans, and deepest escapades without fear of your secrets leaking easily or stirring envy in the hearts of your male friends.
Personally, it hasn’t been a smooth ride for me when it comes to having male friends. I have a very strong presence, and my level of confidence always seems to make my male friends uncomfortable around me. So, it has just been a smoother ride sticking with female friends.
When do these friendships cross the lines?
We are all guys, and we know we have intentions in all our moves, except in a few cases where we don’t find the girl attractive and decide to keep her around as a friend. If a girl plays hard to get for too long, we sometimes ply the friendship or bestie route, then attack at the slightest opportunity.
As a lady, if you’re not proactive, your partner’s bestie relationship could easily cross the red line.
If he is becoming emotionally dependent on the female best friend(most especially if he always complains about you to her), acting in a possessive or jealous way towards them, and even making disrespectful commitments such as spending unhealthy time with the girl best friend—neglecting his partner—then it is safe to say that he is crossing the red line.
Is having a girl best friend cheating?
Having a girl best friend is not cheating if he is transparent, sets boundaries, and doesn’t act secretive about it. However, it could be cheating if there is too much emotional dependency on the girl’s best friend, if he begins to neglect his partner, or if secrecy and flirting are noticed.
However, you need wisdom to decipher which is which, as a generally jovial and flirty guy will flirt even without having any connection. Also, a naturally secretive person will always be secretive irrespective of the presence of the bestie or not.
What should you do?
Firstly, you need to have a deep conversation with your partner to ascertain the boundaries and dynamics of the relationship with his girl best friend. Then you need to spell out things you can’t accept and possible deal-breakers that could affect the relationship.
In any form of relationship, you need to set the pace for everything early enough; if not, people have the propensity to take advantage of relaxed policies. So, step in early enough and set deal breakers, or annul the relationship if you are not willing to put up with the female bestie.
While it may seem too harsh, you will like to know that most of my male friends pointed out that they test the limits of everyone they get to be with, and if it’s weak, they take advantage of it to their fullest. And guess what? More respect is conferred to people who don’t get violent but convey their wants and stand on it or walk away from the relationship.
However, do not be hasty to leave, especially if the female bestie has always been there and if he is transparent with the whole thing. Accommodate her and even make her your friend; then you will strip him of the bestie without him knowing. “Keep your perceived enemies closer.”.
Summing up
Trust is the bane of every healthy relationship, and when it is nonexistent, most relationships degenerate. Having a girl best friend is not cheating, but if the relationship lacks boundaries, it could quickly progress into cheating. Ensure to have a conversation with your partner, set boundaries, and be clear about your expectations to prevent misunderstandings.
